Lake Pavilion - Brooklyn Goes to Queens

I've been meaning to venture into Flushing, Queens for some time now. With Chinatown reduced to a few worthy spots amidst a sea of barber shops, tourist traps, and Chase banks, I felt compelled to submerge myself in what is without-a-doubt the epicenter of authentic Chinese food on this side of the East River.

My experience at Lake Pavilion was in one word – bizarre. The restaurant itself is situated on on an exit ramp of the Long Island Expressway. Wedged between merging semis and reckless New York City driver's, Lake Pavilion's neon frontage shines like the diners of New Jersey. But inside you'll find no disco fries or gyros.

When you step into the foyer of Lake Pavilion, one finds themselves in what can only be described as an aquarium from hell. Creatures from the deep, including ten-foot long Dungeoness crabs, 5+ pound lobsters, scores of live prawns scurrying with semi-conscious fervor, and unidentifiable (at least to this guy) scaly red sea monsters, fill tanks from the floor to the ceiling. My only solace came from the knowledge that I would be imminently be eating them, rather than vice versa.

Past the threshold of the hell-quarium, and into the main dining hall, is yet another strange scene. The place is huge, and not just for NYC. Its a massive banquet hall littered with giant ten-seater circular tables decorated for a bat-mitzvah in 1988. Purple fabric covers the high-backed chairs, fastened with pink ribbons. Pseudo-silk gold napkins adorn the place settings. But no bat-mitzvah girl could be found, no DJ Lonny, or children playing coke-and-pepsi. In fact, my two dining compatriots and I were among the only white people in the place. But if its authentic Chinese that I want, I'm taking the overwhelming Asian crowd as a a sign I was in for something great. (Yes, I'm aware there are plenty of Asian Jews, so relax.)

We opened the menus, and to our dismay, it was mostly in Chinese. English translations were scant and largely ambiguous. One dish was translated to “Triple Crispy”. What was crispy? What was triple? To make matters worse, our waiter spoke minimal English. We ordered largely by pointing at the helpful photos and taking educated guesses.

We ordered three items. Peking Duck – which one Yelper called the best in the city. Dungeoness Crab with Glutenous Rice – to display my dominance over the sea monsters in the front and to test if any of us really did have a gluten allergy. Finally Mayonnaise Prawns with Fried Milk. I know what you are thinking, that sounds gross. Well, first consider that mayo and shrimp are frequently partners in shrimp salad. Moreover, the dish came highly recommended by both the NY Times review and Yelp. Still I was skeptical, but when we confronted our waiter about what was the thing to order at Lake Pavilion, he suggested (pointed at) the Mayonnaise Prawns too. So we were all in for it.

The Peking Duck was certainly worthy of the title of this long forgotten food blog. Jesus was it good. The duck was presented on a table-side cart, while our waiter sliced pieces off of the succulent, crispy-brown bird. He carefully took the pieces and put them in tiny buns, slathered with hoisen and finished with sliced cucumber. Heaven. Certainly better than the run of the mill bao, and in my opinion was better than the bao (baos?) at Momofuku, Ippudo, Bauhaus and many other NYC institutions.

Next came the Dungeoness Crab with Glutenous Rice. The crab appeared to be fried, and the meat inside was tender and sweet. But between the fatty duck and fried crab, our hands were slick and our brains starting to congeal with the beginnings of Stage 1 Food Coma. The Rice was certainly glutinous – sort of a al dente fried rice that was a great sidekick to the crab. It reminded me of the Salt Cod Fried Rice at Danny Bowien's Mission Chinese.

Last, and probably least, is the Mayonnaise Praws with Fried Milk. The prawns were large and plentiful, but slathered in a warm, sweet, yellow mayo. It was much like the Japanese mayo that accompanies many sushi rolls. But the shrimp were COVERED in it. It was actually rather tasty, but for me, it was a psychological battle. Every time I put one in my mouth, a big ole' jar of Hellman's popped into mind. Scattered over the shrimp were some delicious candied walnuts.

The fried milk pieces were actually delicious. They were like the best zeppoles or beignets you've ever tasted (outside of the Jersey Shore and New Orleans respectfully, of course) filled with a sweet cream. They were fantastic, but so sweet. One or two of them was overwhelming, and they gave us about 95. Combined with the sweet and tangy mayonnaise shrimp and the candied walnuts, this dish was simply too much sweetness for my tastebuds to handle.

Thank god for the hot towel guy, because after the meal I needed a warm bath and EMS. Maybe it was the fried milk, or the mayo, or the fried crab, or the fatty duck, but I was down for the count. To add to the bizarre scene, at various points throughout the evening, over the loud PA system came a 1980's drum track and synth, with a strange rendition of the birthday song in both Chinese and Chinese-English. Think – Applebees meets Hong Kong. Doors would open, behind which we would hear Chinese pop music blasting. Was there a party back there? We never ventured back there, but we think there might be a secret karaoke bar.

Oh, and hey, it wasn't cheap either! We weren’t quite sure how much these dishes were when we ordered them, so expect a little sticker shock when you get your all Chinese receipt.

All in all, would I go back to Lake Pavilion? Not without a guide. Despite the internet's best help, I feel we could have ordered better if we could have pierced the language barrier. As we left, we passed a table of chefs. We glimpsed dished that looked more appealing, and less greasy. We again passed through the aquarium of horrors one last time, and I got the sense that, despite my optimism, it was they who had defeated me.